Cycle - Symptoms - Impact - Why Stay - Safety Plan? - Police Interaction

Abuser:    Minor battering incidents, verbal abuse, with the abuser being aware of the inappropriate behavior, but does not acknowledge it. The abuser is afraid victim will be disgusted and leave which increases the abuser's jealousy, and possessiveness in the hope that his brutality will keep the victim captive.  As the abuser escalates into the frantic stage, more control, and misinterpretations of the victim's withdrawal as rejection.

Victim:   Nurturing, compliant, and stays out of the abuser's way.  The victim accepts the abuse while maintaining denial, self blame, or when escalated into the frantic stage, withdrawal and attempts to alter the offender's behavior as a way of attempting to gain safety for the victim.

Abuser:    Almost always occurs privately.  Batterer starts out justifying behavior.  Triggering mechanism may be either an external or internal event, possibly alcohol or substance abuse.  After incident rationalization, and minimization of severity.  Addictive to this control, stress, release phase.

Victim:   In long-term battering, senses inevitability, and may even provoke incident.  Anxious, depressed, sleepless, over/under eating, fatigue, tension, headaches.  Will not seek help unless severely injured, and usually not until the day after the incident occurred.  May call police, may try to dissuade charges, and have self blame.

Abuser:   Loving, contrite behavior.  Charming, begs forgiveness, and makes promises.  Truly believes he will never batter again.  Believes he has taught the victim a lesson.  Promises to give up drinking, or substance abuse.  Pleads, places guilt on victim, and encourages family to do the same.

Victim:   Victimization complete, happy confident, loving.  Feels responsible for consequences, believes abuser will get help, and wants to believe abuse cycle has ended. 

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